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TLC Fantasy

Columbine Shooting

Gangsta Rap

 "The problem is, of course, that the ambivalent identifications of love and hate occupy the same psychic space . . . "
- Homi K. Bhabha from "DissemiNation" (1994)


 Too Fucking De'Pressed: My Anti-feminist Rant

. . . . This is the only the second time that I've had a professor that I hated so. I mean, my God! Isn't there anything happening in the world that is ever worth smiling about? Being genuinely happy about? Is everything always doom and gloom? And if it is, why doesn't she do us all a favor and blow her brains out across the motherfucking floor?! My God!! Even I've never been as continually depressed as her! In light of her, maybe I should change De'Pressed Int'l's name to Happiness Int'l!

Goddamn! I've never, in my life, met someone so fucking unhappy! I mean, even in my unhappiness, there was this sweet hope in the far distant. For instance, I would love somebody who probably wouldn't love me, but there was always the remote possibility that something could come of it—and sometimes it did. I mean, I see her kinda depression and I want to her a card for Dr. Kevorkian! She's certainly losing herself in her depression, so much that her teaching skills suck, I think, as a result of it. —Or maybe she's always been a fucking terrible instructor and depression is just an aside!! I don't know which is the case, but I wish she'd fucking cut it out, ‘cause she's fucking bringing me the fuck down (and that's really hard to do when I've made up my mind to be happy)!

She's going on and on about the how "system" and "men who run society" oppress us women. —Well, she's the one making my little stupid life a fucking hell! It's clear to me that she's begging for a bad evaluation and by God, I'm gonna fucking oblige her!

In my five or six years at this university, I've only run into two professors that I hate so passionately that I couldn't even muster a hearty "I'm sorry" if I were to run over them in the street with my motherfucking car!

Goddamn! If this bitch epitomizes what it means to be a fucking "feminist" (you see, that's the flag she's waving) then call me a fucking male chauvinist pig!

 Recent TLC Fantasy

I had this hot homoerotic dream the other night about that T-Boz chick in TLC. The whole group was performing in this hot, dark, steamy place. They were doing one of those tightrope-and-swing kinda circus acts. I was sitting in the front row.

I thought that she might have been making a pass at me, but you know how the mind plays tricks on you, so I pretended not to notice. Before I knew it, she had taken her shirt off and was swinging upside down topless. She had her hands over her breasts, but that only made me that much hotter. Then, in another unexpected twist, she swung over to that crazy little arsonist chick, put her arms around her and kissed her long and deep.

I think the fuel is that sexy top she's wearing in the "No Scrubs" video. In fact, I'm pretty sure that that's the culprit.

Needless to say, I woke up burning big time. Maybe I will try to get concert tickets if they come to town after all . . . .

 With the Tragedy Comes the Total Bullshit: Littleton, Colorado

Opening thoughts . . .
I happened to catch a re-run of George Carlin's latest HBO comedy special. He had some insight on this school shooting thing that I thought was particularly apropos for the recent turn of events.

He said that kids have learned to deal with violence at home, so why should they have a problem dealing with violence at school.

He also said that when he was in school, if someone had come in and started shooting up students, the students would be expected to get back to their arithmetic shortly thereafter. Ha ha!

Not that the school shooting was not a tragic event and all, but between the media and these stupid people trying to figure out how to prevent it from happening again, I'm getting sick of the whole fucking thing!

Solutions to prevention . . .
First of all, why doesn't someone tell those wise asses who suggest more gun laws to curb prevention that there are already laws on the books to help prevent something like this: They're called YOUR-ASS-WILL-GO-TO-JAIL-FOREVER-IF-YOU-ATTEMPT-SHIT-LIKE- THIS!! What more do you need?

What I'm getting at is if some fool wants to find a way to kill up a bunch of folks (and otherwise cause mayhem), a bunch of new fucking laws won't stop them! Which also answers those other imbeciles who complain that these kids got info about how to build a pipe bomb over the Internet. So fucking what?! So, of course, now we should shut down the Internet, ‘cause some folks want to use it to fuck up the world?! I counter that info on pipe bomb-making is probably available at your local library. (Do you think they'll want to close that down too?!) In the least, I KNOW that this kinda info is available from independent mailorder presses. These folks think that if a kid is dead-set on blowing some shit up that they won't lick a fucking stamp and send off for a fucking catalog??!!

Insults . . .
Finally, what has pissed me off (and a bunch of my friends too) is that we keep hearing comments about how it "shouldn't" have happened at "a place like this" (i.e., at a "nice" neighborhood school). Where the fuck do you think it should have happened?! To me, the statement implies that there is someplace in America where this kind of behavior would be perfectly acceptable. Speaking for all those, like me, who live in the ghetto, this sounds like a fucking insult. I don't care where a school is located, you shouldn't "expect" that shit like this would happen! I guess, the implication is that only us inner city savages are capable of such shit!

Well, that's where those fuckers who say this kind of shit are missing the point. Those kids needed emotional counseling. They were in crisis. This kinda shit can happen to anybody—including rich fuckers! In fact, I would say that maybe rich, White folks are more prone to it than poor Black folks, since poor Black folks already know life isn't fair (from the time you're little you know this) and you learn to cope with injustice early on. Not by shooting people up—'cause we'd have to shoot up more than just a few jocks—but by analyzing the situation and by working toward making things better.

The bottom line is if these folks don't realize this and continue to think that only "certain" types of people do this shit, then I guess it'll keep on happening ‘cause they'll ignore the signs. Assholes!!

 Back up the Boasting with Some Balls:
A Message to Gangsta Rappers

Normally, I ain't got shit to say about somebody and their art, but this new breed of gangsta rapper (as well as a batch of the old ones) are making me sick! The minute someone criticizes them, they jump on this "I'm-speaking-for-those-in-the-ghetto" party line. That I'm-keeping-it-real thing. What the fuck does this have to do with lyrics about killing folks, selling drugs and skanky women? I'm not saying that this kinda shit doesn't happen in the ghetto, but speaking as one who was raised between two different ghettos (Harlem and Detroit), I can truthfully say that it's the exception, and not the norm, as they would have you to believe! Fucking poseurs!

You know I would have tons more respect for them if they just stood up for their art—especially since their supposed to be so fucking hard!—and tell anybody who doesn't like what they rap about to fuck off! To me, that's any artist's right. But to hide behind that fact that you're doing what you're doing for some higher purpose (i.e., to let people know what's happening in the ghetto) is not only chickenshit, it's also a lie!

First of all, like I mentioned before, it ain't really happening like that in the ghetto. Secondly, nobody needs you to tell them what they've already seen in the movies (if all you're talking about is Blacks being pimps, hos and drug dealers). And finally, stop being a fucking pussy and stand up for what you believe in, ‘cause I've already proved you a liar on all other fronts!! There. That's my rant for all those hardass gangsta rappers out there!